all these thoughts are never resting

I'm being eaten alive by that thing known as Statistics!!!

2008-02-15T05:36:58Z

AAARGH!

I be ded now, kays?

All joking aside, I shall not be enjoying myself at all until at least Wednesday morning when the horror that is a Statistics Exam is over with. At 10 PM at night. Oh joy. On the bright side I have thought up loads of stuff to write about that will involve nothing more from me than outrage.

Oh yeah, today was V-Day. The boy toy and I don't celebrate in the normal way (especially now that we're on totally separate continents) but it was good anyway. His birthday's coming up so I'm planning on giving him a heart attack by calling him when he wakes up. Which will be 3-4 AM for me with class at 9:35. Yeah, I love him enough to give up sleeping. There's a reason I'm known as "la osita" ("the little bear") and it's not because I'm grouchy. So yeah .... he better appreciate that 'cos I don't do that for just anyone.

- Red

In which I actually discuss Fanfiction. Gasp!

2008-02-10T22:36:09Z

Okay so at the request of a close friend I write up a review for a "story" that both offended and annoyed her. It is FMA related. Now, keep in mind I don't know anything about FMA. Absolutely nothing. So figured my review would be based more on the technical aspects. According to its author, and the title, it is a "guide." Awesome. So I decided it would only be fair to judge it accordingly. The aforementioned friend pitched in with her own input and to write on some things that I am a bit shaky on. I figured it was only fair if I was going to take the author up to task for certain things, then I shouldn't be a hypocrite either. So on I wrote, occasionally submitting it to said friend for review. By the end - it was either four or five in the morning (and we had class the next day) - it had gotten to be rather lengthy and no matter how much rearranging I tried to do, I couldn't get it in proper order. I figured if she even read it, she'd get the gist of it. I was pretty sure (about 98% sure) that my review (mostly constructive criticism) would be ignored. No big deal to me, I felt it was important to get it out there.

Yeah ... we all know things never work out for me. Naturally when I think I've made my point, someone comes and completely misinterprets me. To be fair, I will post both what I wrote and the response I received, both largely untouched except to respect the other person's privacy.

My response to "The Fanfic Guide to Fullmetal Fanfiction" by "Ayumi Elric" is below:

(Parts of this review were co-written with a friend whose penname will not be disclosed since the majority of this encompasses my personal views of your work.)
First off, while I disagree with almost everything you said I respect that you have the right to say it. Just not here on FFnet. Despite your claim in the first chapter that this 'guide' is "just a fanfic I decided to write," you couldn't be further from the truth. Maybe now would be a good time to tell you just what fanfiction is:

fanfic
n. Informal
Fiction written by fans as an extension of an admired work or series of works, especially a television show, often posted on the Internet or published in fanzines. (courtesy of THEFREEDICTIONARYcom)

Nowhere in this definition does it include the word 'guide.' If you're going to write a guide, here's a good rule of thumb: don't be preachy or insulting. Asking "Is there a reason why people just suck so badly at writing and continue to write anyway??" is, frankly, ridiculous. Writers become better with practice and fanfiction provides beginners with an excellent chance to improve their writing by receiving constructive criticism while still retaining anonymity. You, for example, still have a long way to go in writing, as do I and many others, but tearing down people before they can sharpen their writing skills is nothing short of being a petty and jealous shrew. Also, calling people "n00bs" isn't going to make them receptive to what you have to say. You're doing the equivalent of standing on a soapbox screaming, "You all suck majorly and your future fanfics will suck UNLESS YOU DO EXACTLY AS I SAY 'COS I'M *ME* AND I'M LIKE TOTALLY THE BEST! IN YOUR FACE!"

One of the things that makes FFnet so great is that people of any writing level can post and improve themselves. It's rather disingenuous to say that "if you're gonna be one of the THOUSAND of FMA High school fanfic authors" that their work will "have to be pretty damn good to have people reading it." Virtually every story will be read, that's almost a guarantee, especially in a popular fandom like FMA. What you're confusing here is getting positive reviews with whether the story will be read at all. If you're going to write a guide, being misleading is a no-no.

Not all fanfiction writers are in high school, nor are all the readers of your guide. Many of us are in college or have graduated college already. Another thing you should know is that if you're going to write a guide, at least have the decency to know what you're talking about. Your 'lingo' is completely unorganized and within it you make it obvious that you don't know what half the terms are. Great, you don't know, so don't try to educate others about it. Leave out the ones you don't understand or even reference to what another person has said about those terms. A friend of mine has clearly outlined all the different terms on her profile so readers can understand right off the bat before they read any of her fics. By having a shaky grasp on what you're trying to teach, you're only going to confuse those who actually take your guide seriously and most likely create the problems you're attempting to eradicate.

Making judgment calls in a guide is ill-advised and ridiculous, especially when it only shows you to be a bigoted fool. You don't like fanfiction where characters are written gay. Awesome. Don't read it. Leave it alone and pretend it doesn't exist. You crossed the line however when you said "Just as yaoi is boyxboy love, yuri is indeed girlxgirl love, which is as sick and disgusting as yaoi is." Your choice of adjectives is particularly telling about your own preference. In your world there can only be heternormativity because anything else is "sick" and "disgusting." It must be a strictly binary pairing or none at all! I was not aware that all fanfiction must be written with your preferences in mind. You should probably alert FFnet to the stories that don't meet up to your criteria so they can be removed ASAP. I mean, really, how dare these people write about things that interest and inspire them! I love how you feel free to tell yaoi fans not to write any because well "the site is already overcrowded with yaoi so spare us all." Interesting use of the royal 'we' there. You do not encompass the whole of FMA readers, so please don’t speak for everyone. If so many people don’t like it, then why is there such an abundance of yaoi? What you said might have some validity if in fact all yaoi was written in exactly the same style, word for word. News flash: it isn’t. People have the right to read and post what they want as long as it doesn’t break any of FFnet’s rules, even if you don’t like it.

The whole point of fanfiction is to write what you want. All sorts of things that have no chance of happening in the original can and do happen in fanfiction. And y'know what ... that's what I love about this. This is what makes fanfiction so popular and amazing. Diversity and sometimes absolutely off-the-wall ideas are what make it work. Or not work, but the beauty is in trying and sometimes it inspires the rest of us.

Grammar is my friend. Yes, yes it is. It does not however seem to be your friend. At best you seem acquainted with the concept, making dozens of mistakes. You advise against using internet slang and yet within your own guide you use 'chatspeak' repeatedly. Following the "do as I say, not as I do" method always sets up the person preaching for failure. Who will take you seriously if you don't even take your own 'guide' seriously? Don't use colloquial language like "ya" and "wanna" when you're seriously typing. You want to use the words "you" and "want to," right? Structure your sentences with a subject, verb, and meaning. "So, I guess ya gotta learn it...again...but...yeah" doesn't strike me as a very complete thought. It would have passed for a sentence if you'd kept off the "again...but...yeah..." part, but as it is, it's more like various half-ideas strung together with ellipses (those are the ..., just for future reference, in case you decide to rant about them. Wouldn't want you getting them wrong later, now would we?) It’s funny to note that when you start calling people “lazy asses” you made a mistake (actually, it rather undermines your whole point). ‘You all’ becomes ‘y’all’ not ‘ya’ll.’ Take it from someone who knows. Also, you say grammar rules should have been mastered in first grade. If you are going to get on other people's case over it, shouldn't you have it down flawlessly before preaching? "Commas: Are important and like...stuff. Ew, I dun wanna explain commas. -skips-" is not valid credit. Apart from being grammatically unsound in every sense, it further proves your (and I'm using "your" because I'm referring to something you own, and not "you're" because the words "you are" don't fit with what I'm trying to say) incompetence in the field of writing. Sometimes a typo or two can be an honest mistake; what's worse is when hypocritical guide-writers condemn everyone who hasn't yet completely mastered the English language. (“Lobved” is not a word. What DOES it mean? Kindly explain.)

Summaries are up to the writer’s discretion, if they feel like revealing more of the plot than you consider proper, let them. The best way to learn is to make mistakes.
“Gimme reviews and I'll give ya a cookie!”

This is, in one sense, a form of begging for reviews. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say begging for reviews made you want to turn away? That you wanted to turn away from the story without commenting? Yet you're begging for them. Are you simply above the rest of us lowly writers, or is this simply more of your hypocrisy?

About your “Fangirl Jap,” it’s amazing how you manage to turn everything to you and your preferences. The moment you read a line of Japanese that does not fit what you “accept,” you should just stop reading. To be honest most of the Japanese used in fanfiction is constantly reused to the point most readers know what certain phrases mean.

Lastly, in regards to your Mary Sue rant, you do realize that your self-insertion could be considered a Mary Sue? Less obvious, perhaps, than Angel Mustang, but still a Mary Sue. In one sense, Edward would never accept a kiss from you. If you'd sincerely rather live in your warped imagination, then nothing I or anyone can say will be able to snap you out of it. But as far as fanfiction goes, a canon character paired with any original character, especially a self-insert, is more disgusting than even a reader's most hated canon characters pairing.
So you obviously write EdxAyumi for your own pleasure; that's wonderful. Do the readers of the FMA fandom a favor, and spare us by not posting it? EdxOCs are trash piles heaped higher than yaoi piles. And I actually prefer yaoi.

You've obviously deluded yourself into thinking you have some writing skills, but you clearly need work as much as those n00bs you claim to hate so much. Please note I'm not telling you to go off and die somewhere; I'm simply telling you not to post until a) you grow up and can respect other people and their opinions, and b) stop being a hypocrite.

I also think your brand of so-called "soul alchemy" is Mary Sue-ish. You just want to show off. It's not working.

Like I said at the beginning: this is not a fanfic. In case you hadn’t noticed, the site you chose to post this on is FFnet - the FF stands for fanfiction. They allow you to post under the condition that you meet their requirements. Frankly, they’re pretty broad and allow so many different types of fics it’s amazing when the rules are broken. This ‘fanfic’ has broken two of the rules:

(Entries not allowed:)
1. Non-stories. & 4. Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters(: you).
Taken from FFnet(slash)Guidelines(slash).

You’d be better off posting this on a live journal or any other site easily accessible to your readers and linking to it in your profile or your stories. It was a nice idea to write a guide, but frankly you bombed at it. Give yourself a bit more time until you’re in a position to actually impart some sort of wisdom. As it is, right now it’s a case of the blind leading the blind. Or, really, the blind leading the seeing, since nearly everybody who has reviewed already knew most of this.

Cheers.
- Red
P.S. I will not be reviewing on this story again as I don’t want to falsely hike up your review count. In the event that you feel like addressing me, I’m more than willing to respond to any problems you may have with this through PMs or on my livejournal.

And then ...

You have received a private message from:

Name: (omitted for privacy)
Profile: (omitted for privacy)
--------------------

I agree with you as to how appalling it is how our freedom of speech is
slipping away as we speak. Everywhere we look, someone else is taking it away
in some other subtle way. Back at the beginning of this country, we weren't
even allowed to make fun of people or things that we disagreed with. People
would be imprisoned and tortured for doing so, so everyone was expected to
take everything seriously and live a quiet, miserable, subservient life.

Do you really want this to come back into being? Small steps become larger
ones. If you do not approve of the way that Ayumi Elric is writing, then
simply don't read it. Telling her that she is not to make fun of things she
doesn't like is going back to the dark ages. Our society is already trying to
take away our freedoms one by one. Please don't accelerate the process by
telling someone else what to and what not to write. Ayumi was simply joking
around. She has such a high review rating because her readers know that. If
you would just bother to read her reviews, you would see quite clearly that
her readers do indeed know that. They are reading it because she is
entertaining them.

You are taking fanfiction way too seriously, and not many people will be able
to stand up to your scrutiny if you judge people like that. As you said,
fanfiction is about freedom of expression, and that includes the way that
Ayumi Elric writes her fanfics. If you don't like them, then follow your own
advice and don't read them. There will be fanfics that you don't like, just as
with anybody else.

And one last thing: The fact that you refused to name whoever helped you to
write out that entire passage is a strong indication of fear. What are you
afraid of? If you are afraid of Ayumi, then your fear is totally unfounded.
She didn't read more than the first few sentences of your work and then
laughed it off and said "loser". In other words, your efforts were completely
wasted. I, however, read all the way through it, and decided that you needed
to be written to. Ayumi isn't writing to individuals to tear them down and
hurt them, she is simply having fun. I don't disapprove of what she is doing,
but I do strongly disapprove of your behavior. I have nothing against your
taste in fanfics, your style in writing, or pretty much anything else, but if
I catch you tearing other people down, rest assured that you will be reported
to FFN. This site is not the place to tear people down, but to build people
up.

And just so you know, my name is (omitted for privacy), and I am 23. If you want to
make a point, don't do it from behind a smokescreen. If you have to do so,
then you should probably rethink the message you're trying to convey. The
saying, "You can attract more flies with honey than vinegar" applies here as
well. Think about your words, and chew on them thoroughly before you let them
out.

Please don't ever do this again. Thank you.

(omitted for privacy)

I'm still like, "...what?" I mean sure if I'd actually done what she said I'd understand but as it is, ------- is fighting a strawman here. I'll formulate a response later once I've eaten. To be honest some of the things just caused me to laugh (not laughing at the person who wrote it, just at the degree to which I was misrepresented). I gotta admit, being the big bad meanie going around taking people's rights makes me giggle.

Beware! I'm coming for your freedom next!

Response should be up in a few hours.

- Red

Different Types of Racism

2008-02-08T00:58:27Z

Okay so that title is quite awkward and by no means am I implying that one type can be or is better than another. It's just something that came to me the other day. The thought that my roommate J could possibly be racist has been boiling around in my head for a while. Basically since August when I moved in. At first I wouldn't believe it. She has no problem with T or N and they're also ethnically non-white. (They're both Indian.)

It finally clicked in my head. Just because you're prejudiced against one particular skin tone (and the stereotypes that come with it) and not against others doesn't mean you can't be a racist. I know, I know, now it makes sense. Before it felt a lot like trying to push a square peg into a round hole without realising that it actually is round.

So there you have it. J is racist against 'brown' people! All you "Hispanics" out there better watch your backs, she's coming after you and your tortillas*!

*To be honest I don't really like tortillas. People are always surprised to find out how "non-Hispanic" I really am. That's a post for another day though. Take care everyone!

-Red

The Book! She is here! Yum.

2008-02-06T01:29:10Z

The CSS book has arrived. Actually, it's been here since Saturday. My roommate T picked it up and left it on the 'dining table' in the hopes that I would see it. No such luck. I never sit there, preferring to take my meals in my room because it feels too awkward to do it elsewhere. Anytime I try to actually, y'know, live here, J's little passive-aggressive stickies end up on the door complaining about this or that (which for the record are false allegations. I clean up after myself and my guests). Since I don't want to fight with someone who knows where I live and has access to my food supply it's just better if I act as if only my room is my property and everything else is strictly off-limits. J has even yelled at me for stuff N has done. The last time this happened I kinda told her off (although she didn't pause to take a breath for me to set her straight until five minutes into her rant/lecture) and just got an "...oh" from her. Not even an "I'm sorry for always assuming all the stuff that goes wrong in the apartment is your fault." Any wonder why I don't like her? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway I plan on becoming friends with my little CSS book so I can get one part of neodiji's birthday gift done. This particular book hinges on previous knowledge of HTML so I'm hoping my old-school skills aren't that rusty and I'll be able to jump into it without any problems.

At the moment (generally abbreviated to ATM) I am:

Writing up a post about Choice
Reading my CSS book
Doing Homework

Toodles y'all.

- Red

For Those In the Know

2008-02-05T02:07:32Z

www.electoralcompass.com
Advertised in my biology lab by the TA. If only I had a copy of the test we took early senior year. Back then I was still heavily under the influence of the Catholic Church (despite not believing, and knowing the brand of conservatism taught there was full of shit) and was much lower, right on the line, and significantly to the right.

(trying out a new thing with ImageShack to make it easier to post pictures. It's rather interesting. Here's to hoping it worked.)

- Red

I just ... whaaa?

2008-02-04T14:58:21Z

Wow.
I still can't wrap my brain around this.

-Red

My Silly Boyfriend

2008-02-03T13:51:40Z

So at five in the morning my boyfriend decides he can live without me no longer and wakes me up. The conversation is as follows:
"Wake up damn you!"
The incessant beeping of course forces me to wake up and I manage to hear that. I'm assuming it was meant with love.
"Hey baby, I'm sooo tired."
"Yeah, I woke up early too. 7:15!"
"..... It's 5 here."
"Oh yeah. Sorry. Love you babe :D So how have you been?"
"So-so, had a migraine earlier in the week, was killer."
"Oh, migraines aren't good :( You should have come here, you'd have felt better."
"Aww I'd love to go, but I don't have money right now. Maybe if I build a teleporter it'll be cheaper in the long-run. Whaddayathink?"
"Cool! Then you could be here, 'cos I totally need a blowjob! :D"
":D? ...."
":D"
".... goofball. I love you."
"I love you too ^^ But I wasn't kidding D:"
"... xD"

Okay so I couldn't remember it verbatim, I just remember talking about teleporters and then we were onto blowjobs. He mentioned it in a fairly innocent manner, as he does everything like that. God he's adorable. It probably comes off strange to those reading, but it was downright cute the way he said everything. Before and after that we were completely talking like two fluffy bunnies in lurve. Sickeningly sweet with our "I love you" "No I love YOU X3"s. I always swore I'd never be like that, and with my ex I wasn't. With my baby however, it's like it doesn't matter. It's not horribly cliched when it's just us and I like it that way.

Whee, now I know what type of Librul I am!

2008-02-02T18:53:01Z

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Social Justice Crusader, also known as a rights activist. You believe in equality, fairness, and preventing neo-Confederate conservative troglodytes from rolling back fifty years of civil rights gains.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

Who'd have thunk it. Little ol' human-hating me actually wants the best for them. Huh.

Now my head hurts.

See y'all later.

(If my laptop decides to connect to the internet that is, each time I try to write something up it freaks on me and refuses to connect for days.)

Why I Should Not Be Allowed To Use Google Earth Anymore

2008-01-25T06:39:02Z

Here it is, a map of my dearly beloved high school:

.... And my escape routes.

Minor Update

2008-01-11T00:27:47Z

My laptop is finally able to connect to the internet once more. For the past few days the Internet around here has not been working so well (something about CB getting bought by another company) so I haven't been able to post anything I've wanted to.
My parents are putting money into my account so now I will finally be able to buy the CSS book I need to do a layout for Kara. I've been feeling bad about not getting a chance to do it earlier, but yay now I can :D (And I can do my own layout too so yay about that as well.)

Should be posting something on either Friday or Saturday, it depends on the noise level of my roommate and and her friends. Either way, progress! :D

Speaking of progress, worked on a TxA oneshot and thought I was done ... and then suddenly inspiration struck and now it's going to be a few chapters long. Naturally this means my other oneshots for Avatar are put on hold (as well as the Trigun story and the Epic) so .. boo on that.

To practice my German I changed the language on my LJ to German. It's hella hard to figure out what the hell I'm doing without constantly consulting LEO(.org) to translate. Sigh. Oh well, it's all for the better! I hope.

Time to click ' Eintrag speichern in iredzero' and go live with this completely useless fluff post!

Ain't it Sexy?

2007-12-28T03:46:13Z

Your Score: Halberd

You preferred a weapon with 45% power over speed and 34% range over melee.

You use a Halberd.

Possibly the most versatile polearm ever made, the Halberd is an elegant mix of spear and staff, remaining relatively light while having an effective cutting edge and stabbing point. Your enemies will never get near you; your personal space will be as unreachable as a faraway land.

Link: The What's Your Signature Weapon Test written by inurashii on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(inurashii)

Soooo beautiful. I wants. Yes this is a hint for my next birthday. ;)

Semi-Important-ish Update I suppose

2007-12-07T04:10:42Z

I've decided that I really would rather publicly use my LJ to discuss politics or religion - things that interest me and helped shape me. I'll still keep posting the more personal information but in an attempt to keep the two separate details about my own life are being limited to friends-only. If anybody wants to continue reading that (even if we've never talked and will probably never talk) just friend me and drop me a message to add you as well. I'm limiting it only for the sake of order, not to exclude people. To be honest since I'm putting myself out there as it is by the activities I'm involved in remaining in the shadows is rather silly. Giving some background can, in the end, only serve to improve who I am since it will say more about me than I ever can in passing.
To be honest I've been thinking of doing this for a very long time but I've only had the courage to make the transition recently as certain things have taken their toll on me. I don't when my first post in this newly reorganized LJ will be posted but rest assured that I am composing it in my mind. Soon it will be committed to paper and then published here :)

- Red

Why I love my friends

2007-12-04T07:41:04Z

A recent conversation with my friend P:
P says:
"something in mah eye"
Alicia says:
"oh no!"
Alicia says:
"stab it!"
Alicia says:
":P"
P says:
"well...ouch"
Alicia says:
"xD"
P says:
"it's dead"
P says:
"son of a bitch"
P says:
"it was a cow"
Alicia says:
"... I love you."
Alicia says:
"xD"
P says:
"I have a big eye <.<"
P says:
">.>"
P says:
"lol"

I can't wait to move in with Kara!

2007-12-01T22:22:55Z

Why? Because Kara won't leave bitchy notes on the fucking door on my freaking birthday about how inconsiderate and rude I am in the kitchen. Fuck! I'm not, just so you know you ~~evil skanky ugly~~ mean roomie. I cleaned up last night after Michele & Alyssa (and I'm a bit miffed that they left all their garbage and everything for me to pick up) but I didn't know where to put the cookie baking sheet thingy (but I washed it) so I left it on the counter because nobody else was home when I went to bed. If I just lived with T and N, things would be dandy because while they like things neat they understand I don't go poking around through everybody's drawers and cabinets so I don't know where everything is. Unlike J who actually half-destroyed some of the stuff in my drawer (I only have one fucking drawer out of like six - for four people - so I don't even begin to get this) which was already full to begin with. I guess I'm just aggravated because this isn't the first time J has been well, bitchy, with me. Early on in the first week that we moved in here she left clothes in the washer for a few days and I needed to do my laundry so I just finished it up for her (and T had some stuff in the dryer) because I'm nice like that and put their stuff in separate boxes. Since nobody left a little note saying what belonged to T or J (whether washer or dryer) I just left the two boxes there. I get all my laundry done and am relaxing happily in my own little room when she knocks on my door all frantic. No matter how many times I told her that it was all separate, she wouldn't believe me. It took about 15 minutes to sort out with T humoring J and checking that their stuff didn't mix. She never apologized for not trusting me or anything at all, she just grabbed her stuff and went to her own room. Then, another time she woke me up to basically order me to take out the garbage. So I was willing to do it but I didn't have time that day (not until the next afternoon) to take out the trash (it was a super fucking heavy bag) so I put it off till I had time. The next afternoon after I got back from class I double checked where the giant trash thingy is (it was before I really knew my way around) and to triple check I asked her, and she just interrupted me in the middle of my question to tell me not to bother anymore, that T was going to take it out instead. What she said didn't bother me then, just the way she said it, as if she really wanted to just tack on "because we can't trust you to do it when you say you will" to the end.

That's about all I feel like talking about at the moment. There's something else which is absorbing all my attention but I don't feel comfortable talking about it yet until there's some resolution. Once I do find out what exactly is going to happen, I'll probably talk it over with Kara and then once I feel better about it I'll probably post it up here. It's just something to do with the boyfriend and a friend of his and my reaction to it. I probably wouldn't have cared much if it hadn't been right after my fucking birthday (on that day *all* I got from him was a "Happy Birthday Alicia (:" ... that's IT) but I'll deal. The part that's really been affecting me physically - to the point I've been throwing up on a regular basis and eating makes me queasy (not good since we had cake last night and I was having serious trouble keeping it down) - is that this whole thing makes me think of what happened with Jay. In May of my soph year in high school I found out my dog had cancer. A few days after that, a classmate of mine, Jay, was diagnosed with the same type of cancer. We didn't have classes together or homeroom and we never spoke, but it really affected me. The last time I saw him was a few days before he died. We had a pep rally and I was standing on the bleachers waiting for my friends to hurry up and join me. He was part of a group going up the bleachers - probably to sit up at the top like all the cool kids did - and we both locked eyes. It wasn't that corny omg-it's-luv!!! thing that most people talk about because hell, we didn't know each other and it wasn't like that at all. It was just .... an acknowledgment. You exist. It really did feel like an eternity passed. I'll never forget the way he looked: fuzzy blonde hair just starting to grow back from chemotherapy, dark eyes, and a weariness in his face. Then it was over. The following Monday we found out he'd died. During his memorial, his mother described in explicit detail just how he died. How he ripped out his breathing tube to sing a song. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if that helped kill him. He was on a respirator for a reason. Maybe they could have saved him, and we wouldn't have to remember him like this. Still, he's gone now. I wear a bracelet to remember him, his last words on it, though the damn school changed it. He said "Live with a passion" not "live with passion" and I know it's a small thing to nitpick over, but they were his last fucking words and they didn't have the fucking right to change them like that. I think I'm the only one that will remember it, his friends too wrapped up in themselves to really remember.

RIP Jay Johnson, all of us loved you, even those of us who never spoke to you.

-Red
(to be honest I'm not quite sure what I meant to say in this post, it was just my rambling, so don't try to make sense out it because well there isn't any)

Squee!

2007-11-19T18:01:07Z

I'm so excited! Kara started working on a crack!fic I asked for a little while ago and I'm sooo looking forward to reading it. We even rewatched Avatar episodes as 'research' and I found out why she liked Zuko so much ... which would make an awesome crossover crack!fic in itself, hehe. Sooo ... now I must brainstorm ideas for a fic that Kara wants (whee reality TV m/m smut!) so it'll be interesting to see what I end up with. I still need the list of words that I must use (following in Sharon tradition) so this is gonna be F U N. No really, I'm actually looking forward to writing it :D

And and and and and and and I AM GETTING A LAPTOP OMG YAY. /end stupid
No really, I really am getting one and it's going to be amazing! 'Cos I'll have both my laptop and my desktop at school with me and that's great! I can't leave Naito-kun (desktop) at home with my dad. If I do I'll come home to a fried computer that doesn't work anymore. My Vati messed up the computer at home (it's way better than Naito-kun because it's newer) so when I go home it's time to play computer expert and fix it up. I really hope I can, he messed something up with the color so that's curious in itself I guess. I should probably have it fixed by Thanksgiving. So excited to be going home on Wednesday! It's gonna be SO awesome :)

Tschüss
- Red

iredzero @ 2007-11-15T18:33:00

2007-11-15T23:40:08Z

This is what I'm thinking for my class schedule for Spring:

The classes are all fairly close to each other, I tried to pick it when they wouldn't be so far away from each other or so sudden but it was difficult. The simple one in part one is a nice easy schedule so I'll sleep on it tomorrow to see whether I want to add Comparative Politics to it (which would mean shifting my Anthro class to Schedule 2). So yeah, that's it so far. Plus a few minor ones that just in case I can't get the classes I want, those are still up for grabs :) I'll be a busy little bee but I've decided to be a better college student and get serious about it. As it is I don't have time to play games anymore (my dream of being ranked on Kal is going down the drain, but somehow it doesn't matter so much anymore) so I might as well just stuff my schedule academically to keep me busy all the time :) From what I can tell though 2-3 classes will be the type that assigns homework and the rest will be basically reading only.

EDIT: I also have to drop my English class, I've missed more than five class periods which is automatic failure. Ouch. Oh well, didn't like that class anyway.

Tireder Than Tired (and yes I know 'tireder' isn't a real word)

2007-11-15T03:44:49Z

I have just had a hellish day and a half. No, really, it was awful. I went from thinking life was okay to being about to end it all, drop out of school, and possibly become a hermit in the Everglades to everything being manageable again. It was basically a problem on the end of the school (UF) that they thought they didn't get my final transcripts (how did they let me in without them?) so I had an academic hold, meaning I wouldn't be able to register for classes in the Spring (which I get to do this friday). Frantic, I had trouble sleeping, and woke up at 8 AM to phone Pope. Apparently they could tell I was worried because they called me back later (at 1 PM) and I'm pretty sure the replacement receptionist lady was not happy to be dealing with a semi-hysterical girl. Everything was sorted out eventually. Apparently I wasn't supposed to have an academic hold at all so the girl I'd talked to at UF is probably going to get a talking to. Then I had a quiz in German. I did nicht so gut. After that I had an exam in Biology. I got a 76/100 on it. I am most definitely not happy about it. Even if I'd gotten a 100 on it and a 100 on the next one, I'd still end up with a B for the class anyway (an 89 - which would piss me the hell off) so I just need to do really well on the next test and I'll have a nice B. And yes, I am angry about that. I won't have a perfect 4.0 anymore. Grrr. Life sucks, but at least I'm not considering dropping out anymore. Though I am considering dropping my English class because it honestly doesn't help me even though I'm an English major. I'd be better off taking it later and I can't guarantee I'll get an A to at least save myself from that one B. (I don't want anything to jeopardize my chances of getting into Harvard or Yale Law ... I think if I don't get in, I'd have to get on antidepressants or something. Even though I'm just a freshman right now, even one B can ruin me >.<) I think the reason I might not get an A in English is because while the books are interesting, the assignments aren't. At all. I like analyzing books, I live for that, but the crap we do in that class is annoying and doesn't help me understand it any better than before, especially since our teacher is still in school himself and spent an entire week discussing a concept nobody understood. I'm going to email him about it tomorrow to see how we can work this out so I can still get an A and if it's too risky, I'll just drop it. I hate doing that, but I'm not going to ruin my future for one class I don't like in the first place.
Anyway, I'm going to bed. And Life with Derek just annoyed me. The verb 'hacer' is not 'to have' ... dumbasses. It means 'to do.' 'Tener' is 'to have.'
end rant.
- Red

Three Hours Out of Eight Isn't Bad, Right?

2007-11-09T12:30:03Z

It's light out now. I went to bed at ten. Woke up at 12:47. Have since been unable to get back to sleep. And have been nauseous for the past six hours as well. Crackers do NOT help. Fucking hell.
So I've been studying for my biology test today and obsessively planning out what I'm going to do the whole day until I go to school to go home with Kara. Just now noticed there is a bruise on my knee. It hurts. Like a bitch. Mainly because I found out I have a bruise by slamming my knee into my desk. Yeah... So while I was studying I checked on Jade's LJ. She is officially not sane. Am I strange for finding that endearing? She's a badass writer so I guess she makes crazy cool. Well, cooler because being crazy has always been the bomb. (Yes when I run on no sleep I bring back words that are better left in time capsules. And I tend to ramble on and make no sense.)
Part of my fascination with insanity is that I know I lack sanity, I have some kind of disorder I just know it. And it's not because I want one. I just know it the way you know in school a split second before the teacher is gonna call on you. It's one of those "Oh shit, no," moments. I know that I have issues with my thoughts being disorganized. And not in the cutesy way in that I'm just mentally lazy or whatnot. More like in the way that it frustrates me because I can handle just thinking funny or in ways that don't make sense, but when I talk people notice something is wrong. Like the other day (a very mild example mind you) when I went with Kara to her dorm I just couldn't say that November was a great month because the world received me in it. No, I kept switching words. It made sense in my head but when it came out, it came out wrong even though it was the same way I was thinking it. And the worst part was, I tried to correct myself ... with the same wrong word. I always manage stuff like that that comes out completely incoherent. Half the time I don't even notice until someone points it out to me because I get what I mean, but it's complete nonsense to others. I also have a problem with being long-winded. I just don't know how to describe things. Kara asked me last time she was over what a certain book I had was like. After reading it about a thousand times, I still couldn't describe it. And the problem is this makes me sound dumb as hell because that's my response to everything. Oh, I used to try to explain things. But my explanations would be too long or completely irrelevant and pretty much everybody would lose interest in what I was saying so it would just be me desperately trying to wrap it and being completely unable to do it. Getting to the point is also a problem. I can't do it. It's even become a joke in my family. You just don't ask me things. Not unless you value your life. And then there are other points where I just sound like I have some sort of mental disability because I start repeating myself. (I'm a bit infamous for this and my smiley abuse in my online game. People mock me when I say something and am typing out the second part by going "and and and" because I do that all the time. But with just about any word) It's like a broken record, but one that still works if you hit it hard enough. I tend to be more like "And I was going to my room, my room, my room (and then I remember what I was going to say) to get a book." And then I feel completely embarrassed because I look like a total nut to the person I'm with. I guess while I'm on the subject of what's wrong with me, it was a lot worse when I was younger. I would even see things (which is bound to freak some people out) and I would hear things to. I would swear up and down that my parents were calling me or someone was saying something to me - which would terrify me because sometimes I would be alone in the house. It would annoy my mom because I'd go up to her and ask her what she wanted and then she would tell me she never said anything in the first place. I never told her about the things I saw though, because I knew that would make her worry. Guess I wasn't such a blüd Kind, eh? To be honest I'm really, really, really glad I don't see or hear things anymore. It was some scary shit, especially when other people were around. Though that was really the one time at school I thought I saw leprechauns for real. (Even watched them for about twenty minutes) They seemed evil and were climbing over the fence into the playground area. I ran inside the classroom terrified and wouldn't tell anybody what happened. Not that I talked back then anyway, I was in danger of flunking school because even though I did well, I wouldn't talk to the teacher or anybody. Literally, not a peep for an entire year with the one exception of the prettiest girl in our class who I would whisper to a lot (I like pretty things, call me shallow if you want). Anyway yeah ... I used to see things. (See if this was a conversation I would be on a totally different topic by now, but I happened to look up at what I'd said before so now I'm back on topic. Whoo.) I would mostly see them at home, I'd be playing Solitaire or the Zoombinis on my computer and I would see people either walk back or just standing there watching me. I'd watch them back for a while, completely afraid. I even had a discussion with one. He was a young boy a little older than I'd been at the time, and he'd drowned or something and we just sat there talking. I don't even remember about what. I think that was the most pleasant experience I had with them. I remember waiting months and months to see him again but I never did.
I rarely ever talk about this with people, which is probably why I'm posting it here. I'm not really telling anyone. I'm just writing it down in my own little journal. The last time I did talk about it, I was in middle school at some gifted summer program or some shit like that and it was my weird class (no, really, we talked about Bigfoot and stuff like that) and somehow we got onto the subject of seeing things and I just kinda blurted it out - more like thinking out loud like "oh, I used to see stuff when I was little ...." The only other thing I can think of that technically falls under 'crazy' is paranoia. I'm a very private person, I'll tell you all the trivial things about me but you won't ever know what I'm thinking or my deepest darkest secrets because they can be used against me. I think people are scheming against me, even when I don't have any basis for it and I try so hard not to think that but I just can't help it. I guess thinking people are spying on me is not really paranoia per se but I get that too. Mostly people in the form of animals ... even though I know this is impossible and ridiculous. I just can't shake it. There are other things but those aren't from being crazy, they're just a result of things I went through as a kid and totally normal. I just need therapy to deal with it :) I guess the last thing wrong with me is I don't really care about other people. I mean, I care for my friends and stuff but ... not really. It sounds strange, I know. It's almost like it's on mute or I'm encased in a bubble which just drowns out everything. It's like listening to music but with ear plugs. You can still hear it, but faintly. Anyway I shouldn't be allowed to post when my brain isn't functioning properly damn it. Biology, I need to read all about the mating mechanisms and all that jazz. And then I have a webmodule. And then I have to go home with Kara. And somehow find the time to sleep too. Ich will schrei....

Crooked Spoons

2007-11-06T23:23:26Z

Crooked Spoons Lyrics

I. love. OTEP. You do not understand how deep my love runs, it positively overflows. You can imagine how excited I am that they're coming Nov 30 (Tally) and Dec. 2 (Orlando) ... and how sad I am that I can't see them for I live in Gainesville. AND THEY'RE NOT COMING HERE. Nooo, instead OTEP is going to be about two hours away. This would be no problem had I a car. Hell, I'd settle for a freaking bicycle at this point. I. Have. NOTHING. Assuming I had enough money to even be able to go see OTEP, I have no way to get there. Luckily I have friends in Tally and Orlando that will probably hopefully let me sleep on the floor of their dorm rooms if I beg enough, but the problem is getting there. Really the problem is the money issue. I only have enough money for food. Maybe I can opt out on not eating the week of Thanksgiving and just wait until I get home (and bring back enough food to last me another week) because I'm thinking it'll cost about two weeks' worth of food to go see them. I don't want to tell my parents because then they'll somehow find the money to let me see OTEP (despite my mother insisting any form of rock/metal is 'black people music' - and no she does not think it funny when I call it 'angry white boy music' either - and 'satanic') but I don't want to be more of a burden financially than I have to be. I try not to eat as it is (which isn't something I tell my mom otherwise she'd end up shipping me food) to make my food money last, but seeing OTEP would really set me back especially since whoever I bribe to take me would require gas money as well. Maaajor suckage. Maybe I'll get lucky and my aunts will send me money for my birthday and then I can go see OTEP. Live. (I'm so glad it's right after my birthday, best present EVER. Well that and The Ascension CD which I think my friend is getting me because she asked me how much it was)

Later y'all,
-Red

Twain is God

2007-11-05T18:16:50Z

Seriously. The man was right about everything.

"The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up
their verbs. Now a verb has a hard enough time of it
in this world when it's all together. It's downright
inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those
Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it
down here, like a stake, and they take the other part
of it and and put it away over yonder like another stake,
and between these two limits they just shovel in
German."

Uff. We're learning about this now in my German class (which goes slow as molasses but that's good I guess because I can keep up with my other classes) and now I understand what my father had been ranting about before about "split verbs." They don't seem that hard, but then again I'm just naturally good at languages. It took me only a month to learn English (standard and colloquial) - yes I am scary good at languages :). Most people are surprised when I tell them that English isn't my first language. Half the time they don't believe me because I don't have an accent. Just because I don't go around speaking like Desi Arnaz doesn't mean anything people. Technically I know four languages by now: Spanish, German, English, and French. Unfortunately, as good as I am at learning languages I am equally as good as forgetting them if I don't practice. My French? Oh yeah, it is gone baby, never to be heard from again. Technically I learned German before English as my dad worked at the German Embassy in my home country and would sometimes bring me there. I only know German nursery rhymes and I heard all the Märchen (fairy tales) in their gruesome original stories. And loved them. (This is probably why I hold a grudge against Disney, they positively butchered the stories that helped form my weirdness. Although my friend Dina - who also grew up with the Stuwwelpeter which I was thankfully spared from because my dad thought it was freaky as hell - turned out normal and she knows the original Märchen too.)

On a completely unrelated note: I am feeling better! Fuck yeah man, I missed this feeling. The day after Halloween I woke up feeling like my head was slowly being squeezed (maybe in an effort to extract some of my brain juice which makes me so damn smart? ;)) and I felt like utter crap. Of course this had to happen when I was going to go to Kara's over the weekend. GODDAMNIT I WANTED TO GO! Her mum is awesome and she cooks (which makes me miss my own mum) and Kara has the cutest cat ever (even though I generally hate cats) and and and. I missed it. FUCKER. I was crabby the whole day, which Jack mentioned on FB because I was so pissed my status was more or less: "Alicia is pissed off at the xtians about the so-called "war on christmas." It's not real! GROW UP PEOPLE" I wanted to add much more to it but it would have ended up being an essay. And all this inspired by a former schoolmate of mine joining some Republican group on FB. Naturally I went to scout out the enemy and one jackass had made a discussion board that was basically "If Atheists had brains, they'd be Christians" and in it he insulted anybody not Christian (which got real xtians pissed off at him) and then out of nowhere he started ranting about the Christmas thing. Yeahhh. What. An. IDIOT. Happy Holidays preceded Merry Christmas by a longshot! And there is no war. Get that through your heads people. NO SUCH THING. It was invented by the Reich wing simply to add fuel to the fire. Say Merry Christmas if you want. I don't fucking care. I'm not going to say it back to you unless you're a genuine Christian. You can say it to me if you want, I'm not going to get on your case even though I'm not a Christian and just don't plain celebrate Christmas (although I love decorating the tree. I just like decorating stuff in general though and this is the only time of year -excluding Halloween because it just doesn't last long enough - I can put lights EVERYWHERE and it's generally a Good Idea). I'm more likely to say Happy Holidays because I realise not everybody on the fucking planet is Christian. Among my friends I have more non-Christians than Christians. So much for this so-called Christian nation. (So far among my friends it stands at:

Hindu: 5
Muslim: 3
Jewish: 4
Wiccan: 2
Christian: 2

The rest don't stick to just one, or don't believe at all.)

Toodles y'all.

-Red

It's Cracktastic!

2007-10-23T00:42:40Z

This. Just. Totally. Made. My. Day.

No really. I can't say anything else.

Secret Broadcast from the Moon

2007-10-10T17:40:08Z

Oho, now that's a hint if I've ever seen any. I'm so excited to finally have hit upon an (original) idea I actually want to write about. And not just one book, nuh uh, several! Of course we all know I'm crazy and that sticking to one thing for so long will end up driving me completely bonkers. But I'm a glutton for pain, what can I say? I just haven't been so excited about an idea like this in the longest time. I'm even squealing in my head, and aloud when the roomies are gone, about getting to do the research for it. It is important here to note that I abhor research with a special passion. This research will be fun though, as is my idea. No, I'm not going to spoil it for anyone. I will tell you it's trite, but I'm reworking it so it is totally kickass :) That seems to be my specialty, I've noticed. Taking something from the junk bin and turning it to gold (well, my idea of gold anyway) instead of actually coming up with something on my own which is bound to be awful and too complicated to actually work with.

   I am also still working on my Toph and Aaang fanfiction. Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the fanfiction world. The same ideas get recycled over and over again (generally with no new twists so the only difference is stylistic) and talentless hacks get pushed to the top with wholly undeserved praises. Yes, I realise we all more or less sucked when we first got started, but these are a special breed. These never improve. Any criticism found in the load of ego-pumping reviews is generally ignored, and at times even attacked. I'm not one to claim that I'm a perfect writer because I know I'm not. I have a long way to go but I have fun learning (even if criticism makes me crabby) and I don't hold upcoming stories or chapters as hostages if I haven't gotten x reviews.

   Sometimes I just don't want to be in that world where I have to exist with those people. On these days I feel like deleting my account and blocking the website. Then I come across a brilliantly written piece by a new author, generally, that just blows me away and I'm in love again. This tricky relationship I have with fanfiction accounts for a fair bit why I rarely update. I spend about 70% of the time being repulsed by fanfiction, and 30% so enthralled by it I can't stop reading. Laziness must also be factored in.

   I like to write, sure, but it's just so much more fun with people I've created, that I know in a much more intimate way because they're a part of me not outside of me. Sometimes fanfiction feels like a chore, but for me it's really just an exercise in writing. It has improved my writing - and my attitude to people liking my work - so much. It took a lot of effort for me to decide to begin publishing my work online, about two-three years of thinking actually. I still think my first bit of fanfiction was brilliant though, it's not up on ff.net though because I wrote it for an independent fanfiction site dedicated to a certain pairing. That site has since folded (or I forgot the url, which is not that unlikely) and I don't have a copy of the story because the computer it was on just decided to randomly kick the bucket one day. It was written more as a novel than fanfiction because I didn't quite understand the concept of fanfiction just then. I miss it :( I remember going back and reading it long after I'd finished it and marveling at how beautiful it was. And it really was. Everything I've written since has been total crap, which is the bit I can't understand. Writers improve with time, not get worse. So what the hell happened? I'm trying to get back to that level, where I could spend the whole day writing and dream of it and never tire. It's difficult though, what with having to keep up with school and take care of myself, I rarely have time to just breathe. I have a feeling I'll be close to that level when I start to seriously work on my new novel - like a possessed person! I hope.

In other non-writing related news I'm sad that I live off campus and thus missed the beating of a game at Kara's (NeoDiji) place. Since I wasn't there I think I might force her and Michele to come visit me and bring a game (any game) and I will make them play on the huge TV in the living room damn it. I wanted to see the ending thingy of the game too :'(

I'd also like to take the time to talk about the boyfriend but I can't. I would probably end up crying all over the keyboard - and for nothing too! I know he loves me, I know that, but it seems my brain doesn't want to acknowledge it at all. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. He talks to me when he can (which is usually when I'm not even home). I guess I just miss him too much :/ I'll probably be over it soon enough. He's going to England soon and I won't be able to talk to him for a week, which is probably why I've been feeling so silly.

Until I write again,

   - Red

Holy Guacamole!

2007-09-26T16:31:46Z

Updates from last time:

My pictures work now on studiVZ
Chris has survived to see another day (but is still avoiding me all the same)
I have figured out what Sascha wrote on my wall. Basically "here's a nice hello for your wall! PS. nice, breaking benjamin, although I hardly know them." So I wrote him back saying Danke (although I probably should have written it Viele Dank) and that my friend is up at Harvard too :) And then I apologized for my bad German. As of yet, no reply. I'm not really expecting one though.
I am in deep doo again.

Why you ask? Well, for starters I have an essay for my American Literature class due today that I haven't begun yet. But don't worry, it will be totally kickass once I do. I just haven't felt inspired to write it, and I know that if I were to just force myself to write it, then it would be awful to a whole new level. Secondly, I rediscovered facebook (we can blame Chris for that) and I swear that site is evil, I can't stay away from it. No really, it's hard to keep away because PEOPLE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. (Or is it that I won't leave them alone?) For better or worse it helped me realise that my bubbly Dina has lost my number yet again despite it being obvious on my profile page. With the area code even. Good news is we got to talk for such a long time on Sunday night, we both miss each other, etc. She's a bit worried about school because well ... she's at freaking HARVARD but I know she can do it :)

I haven't been feeling much like gaming lately, I'm not sure why. I suspect it stems from not having contact with the boyfriend for a few days, because when that happens I just lose any desire I had to do anything. But the reassuring bit is, unless something drastic has happened within the past few days, he still loves me and misses me. And that makes me happy :)

P.S. A bit freaked that I managed to find my ex on FB. We were good friends before we messed everything up and I would like to be friends with him again but I don't really see it happening. I would friend him on FB but I have a silly desire to make my page completely awesome, to outdo him in friends, wall posts, etc. I think it's a way to say:

hey, this is what you're missing out on. Don't you regret leaving me now?

Which is probably not the smartest thing, but it would make me feel better. I regret the way the relationship fell apart, and the immature way I acted about it, but honestly I don't really want him back ~~even though he's still dreamy~~. I'm crazy over the boy I do have, oddly enough the same one said ex thought I was cheating on him with. (Isn't life funny like that? Especially since I'm going to marry this one) But whatever, one day I will attempt to bridge our messy breakup and find friendship with him again. Although hopefully this time we won't fight as much. Or at all really.

StudiVZ Confuses the Polka Dots out of Me

2007-09-22T06:34:55Z

Okay so for my German class I had to sign up on the German equivalent of Facebook. Not so bad right? NEIN!

I'm guessing my teacher just doesn't really understand that by knowing how to greet each other and say pencil (der Bleistift ... in case you were wondering) we aren't exactly prepared for studiVZ. I understood about two words tops when I was signing up, keeping a translator right beside me to guide me through the process (damn you google translator for not being able to translate the page!). I finally signed up and updated everything and all was right as rain. Except.

I CAN'T PUT UP ANY PICTURES! What is wrong with it? Each time I go to "Meine Foto" it will show me the little album I tried to make (again, not sure what the whole point of that was ... but it was the only option it gave me), but when I actually try to add a picture I just get a blank page. Thank you studiVZ for frustrating me so. Since I normally use Firefox, I thought maybe it would prefer IE (although that sickened me) ... nope. It wouldn't work there either.

Another point of interest: someone wrote on my wall. Some German guy who just graduated from Harvard wrote on my wall. More importantly ... I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT HE'S SAYING! About the only part I could understand was "he knows" and it was in reference to Breaking Benjamin. Full message here:

mal ein nettes "hallölle" an die pinnwand
tacker....

ps... nice , breaking benjamin.... die kennt
eigentlich kaum einer ....

I know "pinnwand" is some type of wall. Die Wand = the wall. I assume the "pinn" part is like the english pin, mak.... oh sweet Swedish monkeys, I think I've got it! Tacker = tack? Pinnwand = those annoying things you put on your wall (or in my case: your mum puts on your wall) to post little things up like reminders or cards on. Amazing. And it only took me .... four hours. Yeah ... that's about all I understand. Guess I'll have to wait for Steve to wake up so I can bug him to translate it for me :D

In other news, CHRIS BROKE MY MSN. And I hate that meanie. His MSN somehow acquired a virus (read: he clicked on something he shouldn't have ... even though common sense says not to). Though I generally know not to accept files and stuff from people, unluckily his virus struck me right when we were talking about pictures. Yes that's right, I was requesting new pictures because he's growing so much and I'm missing out :'( (The fucker's a foot taller than me now ...) And that's when the damn photo album virus struck. "Do you want to see some recent pictures I took of myself? :D" ACCEPT. Of course my beloved Antivirus was instantly like "NEIN!" and deleted it the moment it got on my computer. I'm not sure how, but a little part of it somehow worked its way into being active on my computer so I had to root around in my files deleting it (normally this is fun for me - sad I know - but since it wasn't MY fault this time, it wasn't particularly fun). I know the virus never really took on my computer because the first thing this particular type does is completely fuck up the computer and make it unmanageable as it spams everyone on your list. My friends were safe (except for Chris, he's going DOWN) so that's good I guess. I'm still not entirely positive that I killed all of it, so I'll double check tomorrow. If my MSN is safe, Chris may survive, if not ... well it was nice knowing him.

Final words:
           Ich liebe dich nicht mehr, Chris T.T
             *Sascha, the boy who wrote on my studiVZ wall, is kinda cute :o

Upcoming post:
          Some thoughts on a past relationship and the current one. (Jeg elsker dig says Mark ... well right back at ya honey <3)

-Red

I think they're in my HEAD

2007-07-31T03:21:22Z

Let's fake an answer for the curious
Let's fake it all for the fame
They'll think delivering was easy
Living the fairy tales and the lies , lies

Chorus:
Message from Opticon
Blast from the fashion bomb
So helpless
Guess what? You're out of time

New aliens born, we reinvent the dawn
And no one's style compares
Those neon eyes make Mom and Dad think that we've lost our minds
They're just terrified of all new things

Message from Opticon
Blast from the fashion bomb
So helpless
Guess what? You're out of time

Opticon is here to lead us...

Blast from the fashion bomb

Message from Opticon
Blast from the fashion bomb
So helpless
Guess what? You're out of time

So quick to change us
(Opticon is here to lead us)
And imitate us
Humiliate us
So quick to change us

Orgy - Opticon